I used to be an “emo” kid in the 2000s.  I know all the millennials reading this know exactly what that entails, but I will explain just to be safe.  I wore heavy eyeliner, black skinny jeans, a studded belt, and had overdramatic side bangs.  We called it “scene.”

In hindsight, I now know that I was desperate to fit in. To find my place, my style.  I was a band kid who tried to find her identity in what she wore and what she listened to.

20 years later, I find myself still wondering about my identity.

Cancer has taken away my job as an elementary music teacher, at least for a while.  I never realized how much of my own self-worth I put into how much my students loved me.  If my students loved my class, then I was good.  I was worth something to some child that day.

I’m now essentially confined to my home, and I am not receiving validation from young students.  No one is calling me “Mrs.Hughes” and drawing pictures for me during their recess.

I never realized, until now, how much of my identity I put into my job.

Now let’s talk about family.  I had always dreamed of being a mother.  My two girls are the greatest accomplishment of my entire life.  I love them so fierce, and so deep, that they could never know the full extent of how much I love them.

What happens when momma is suddenly in the hospital for 5 weeks? My children, 5 and 2, had to adapt.  They had to adjust to different caregivers (grandparents) and lean in close to their Daddy.  

But who was I? I wasn’t the one to comfort them when they cried. I was now the one needing to be comforted. It was a loss of identity.

What about being a wife? A caretaker and keeper of the home?

I am still a wife, but I have to have help around the house.  I can’t do the things I used to do (at least not at this point).  And as messes pile up, I am reminded of how much I can’t do. 

How much things have changed for me.

So who am I?  If not a wife, mom, or teacher—

I’m Leah.  Child of God.  Created in the Image of God. His beloved daughter.

That’s it.  I don’t have to “be” anything else.  He made me because he loves me and he loves me because he made me.

As all my titles were stripped away, there was one that never was, a child of God.

Nothing can take that from you.

No job, no divorce, no illness. You were created for such a time as this. 

When I look in the mirror and I see my bald head from the chemo, I don’t see another cancer patient.  I see a woman of God who has a destiny and a purpose.

What are you placing your identity in? What are you placing your self-worth in?  Is it the house you have, the clothes you wear, or the job title you hold? 

 What would your identity look like if all that was stripped away?  Who would you be?

A child of God. Created in the Image of God.  His beloved daughter.